Polygamy: An untold story

Polygamy: an untold story

First of I want to mention that I am not a very strong supporter of Polygamy in general situation, however I am a strong supporter of defending women’s rights.  

Polygamy (1) is more a taboo of our time than bliss. You can always read a book or Google a website to satisfy your hunger for the history and chemistry of polygamy. 

Polygamy is the most debated topic of this era. Some say it’s good for society and same says it’s not. Without touching this ongoing topic I want to tell you a very different story. 

Polygamy is more a tool than a system itself. What I mean by tool is that, it can be used to rectify the unbalanced equilibrium of our contemporary society. 

I want to tell you a story of a society where there is a widespread necessity of Polygamy exists. No, we don’t want to increase our manpower strength, we have already got the privilege to be in the number one position in this field. 

However, we need a tool known as Polygamy to uplift our womenfolk, the least understood and most underestimated section of our society. 

Your upbringing background must be asking that, how can Polygamy uplift women, in fact Polygamy exploits them? I apologize, you have been given wrong information. Polygamy is actually protecting women’s rights. 

In some society monogamous marriages of two virgin peoples are actually creating the imbalance. Virgin male has got monopoly to say ‘no’ to any virgin girl who doesn’t meet his criteria, sight manufacturing defects like short height, healthy body or myopic eyes.  

These virgin males utilize these defects to demoralize girls and her under-pressure family. After listening to the oft-repeating saga of defects, girl’s family eventually starts thinking that it is the girl’s fault and nothing can be done except to give heavy bribes to virgin groom in the name of dowry, so that the girl’s father can actually fulfil his responsibility to marry his daughter to a capable Man. 

 It doesn’t sound that bad, isn’t it? No, it is actually a disastrous situation where we have given a sharp sword in the hand of naives to cut our throats. Have you ever tried to draw parallel lines and by mistake your hand shakes and your line crooks a bit. You will not bother to rectify your minor error and eventually this slight crookedness will become complete intersections of parallel lines. 

So prepare your girls and boys for polygamous marriages. I am totally sane when I say this. Polygamous marriage is a responsibility which should be understood by all the three parties involved. 

I want to give emphasis on, that Polygamy is a tool to rectify an error and therefore it should be treated according to your society and cultural requirements. 

Polygamy should be treated more as an ethical responsibility than a conjugal bliss. 

     Reference:  

     1. Here Polygamy means Polygyny . Polyandry is haram in Islam.

Personal Note:

I had always dreamed to be a part of a Polygamous marriage until I met someone who actually made me realize that I actually wanted to be in that. However, I am now in monogamous marriage, Alhamdulillah.  

Please join this Facebook page to show your support.

Polygamous Muslims Support Group

Freedom does not come free.

Parenting Tip:

Freedom does not come free.

It is children’s temptation to get everything they see in a shopping center. As parents we know we can’t allow them to do so every time.

As a part of child’s training, train your child to get responsibility of minor things according to their age, like for a three year old allow her to take care of minor household chores or taking care of their younger siblings. 

Whenever you take your child for shopping and she starts nagging to get a toy she sees in the shop, as most children do, use the following tips to train her, so that she can learn an important lesson for life time.

Children do not know that everything we get, we have to pay for it. This is an important exercise to get her know this very basic principle of life.

While nagging for a toy she sees in a shop, she displays a very basic human instinct at a very small age. As a human, our instinct drives us to achieve freedom in our choices. We want to do things we want. But, we can get only things for which we have paid, not just in the day-to-day buying process but also in life as general. We work hard to get food; we study hard to qualify for an exam. We pay hardship for gaining a freedom of eating a food and for gaining a degree of qualification, etc.

Practice these two simple exercises to teach her the very basic principle of life, “Freedom does not come free”.   

  

    1. While your child nags for a toy, she sees in a shop, tell her, she can only get this toy if she will do some of household chore, which you taught her earlier. Like, she can get a toy when she will take care of garden for a day, etc. This will help her to learn two things:

a.       Everything we get in life, we have to pay for it. She will respect the transaction process and she will not exaggerate in buying things. She will learn to get things only when she has worked for it.

b.      Her extra needs will be minimized. She will start comparing things in her mind. Like better not to get a toy which I don’t need than to work in the garden for a day.

    2.Involve your child in your buying process of your day-to-day groceries. It will let her satisfy her curiosity to buy something every time she visits a shop. Like ask her to choose between soaps and buy the one she chooses. Let her know which one to buy, which one is better etc. It will help her to take her independent and sound decisions in her life. 

While having fun she will learn many of the life’s important lessons. It will also make your child’s relation stronger with you. 

As a parent we struggle to teach our children things which will help them to grow up as a stronger and wiser adult. Use day-to-day things to teach them important lessons of life. 

What a woman wants.

What a woman wants.

A woman doesn’t want to be a PhD, she only wants a little acknowledgement of her knowledge. 

A woman doesn’t want a million dollar job, she only wants a little acknowledgement of her actions. 

A woman doesn’t want to impress the world with her beauty, she only wants someone’s shoulder to rest upon.

A woman doesn’t want to live a single life, she only wants someone before whom she can cry her loneliness. 

So whenever next time you cross a woman with high education, well paid job and very beautiful appearance, aging yet single don’t think she is an arrogant and show-off type of person, SHE IS JUST A WOMAN WHO HAS NO SHOULDER TO REST ON.

Makkan and Madinan phase of life

Makkan and Madinan phase of life.

Each Muslim has a Makkan and Madinan phase of life.

Makkan Phase:

As marked in Islamic history, Makkan (Makki) life of the Prophet and his companions was spent to establish the pillar of the faith and belief. They went through a vigorous training which established the foundation of their successful life to come. This phase was learning phase, marked with hardship and trials. As such each Muslim has a Learning phase of life marked with hardship and trials. 

Madinan Phase:

With the successful completion of Makkan like came Madinan (Madni) life for the noble Prophet and his companions. In this phase they implemented their knowledge eared in Makkan life to the new and practical phase of life. With the knowledge and foundation they established in Makkan life, it became easy for them to be successful in practical field. 

Conclusion:

There are two phases of life each one of us went through. Makkan Phase of life is the Learning phase and Madinan Phase of life is the Implementing Phase of life. With the foundation of hardly earned knowledge and beliefs in Makkan phase, one can get the true success in the Madian (final) phase of life.

Do the Duaa.

Do the Duaa. 

We all ask Allah for our Duaa to be accepted. But what it actually meant to Duaa to be accepted. There are several ways in a human life, we can travel on. Some leads to our destination and some to our destruction. When we ask Duaa, Allah tells us the best way/path to choose. Otherwise we would have been wasted our whole life in trial and error.  

When one ask Duaa, Allah prescribes him to choose the best and most effective path, which will lead him to his solution. However, he himself has to travel to the journey of the new prescribed path. He still have to endure the pain of the journey, but now, after his Duaa been accepted, he has the right path to travel on and his time for trial and error been saved. 

Conclusion: 

So next time when you feel the pain of the journey, don’t say my Duaa is not been accepted, because you have been saved from the greater pain which would have been lead you to nothing but the greater pain of regret.

Black and White of life.

Black and White of life.

There are two sides of a Human life, black and white.

Black:
When nothing seems to be right besides having everything alright. Due to depression caused by devil. Devil can’t create anything so he puts a veil between your eyes and God’s mercy on you and thus all you can see is BLACK.

White:
When nothing is right, still you have hope that everything will be alright and you strive for it. Due to true knowledge you have about your Creator, that He will love you and will help you always. Devil can’t approach you due to the light you have, that is KNOWLEDGE of your CREATOR. All you can see is WHITE.

I seek refuge in my Creator to never let me go back to the BLACK and let me live in the WHITE, always.

Conclusion:
You can only see the White (light) if you have ever experienced the Black (dark). It is a comparison. So learn from your Dark that there is a Light also. Allah does not give a Believer, Dark, except He intends a Light for His servant.

Courage

Fear is not something bad in itself. Prophet Musa Alayhi Salaam feared Pharaoh when Allah commanded him to go to Pharaoh to do Dawah, 

 

Prophet Yusuf Alayhi Salaam feared he would have done wrong if Allah would have not saved him from transgression.

Beautiful thing about servants of Allah is that, we don't stop doing right out of fear, we fear, but we do not transgress. May Allah preserve us from His disobedience.

Securing the dignity of a virgin.

Securing the dignity of a virgin. 

If you are a father or an elder brother or a wali of a virgin girl or a young man desires to get married, this suggestion is for you. If you want to get your girl married, first of inquire about the prospect brother well and when you get satisfied with him and his family, his job, his akhlaq etc, make the showing of your girl to the prospect brother or his family last step of fixing the marriage contract. In various societies finalizing a marriage revolves around how a sister looks. Prospect brother’s family first wants to see the sister, if she looks good, sister’s wali goes to inquire about brother’s background. It is a wrong attempt. In maximum cases girl is being shown to non-mehrams several times and rejected due to minor things, this lowers the self dignity and confidence of a Muslim girl.

Right conduct:
Find a good brother, inquire his background, if you get satisfied with him, organize a meeting with him and his family and the sister and her family. Conclusion, make the showing of the sister last step, too many exposure to unknown non-mehrams and rejections will be a great loss for a Muslimah and Muslim society.

Self-respect

 

 Don't confuse self respect with arrogance. One kills other, both can't be survived together.

Don’t make your Fear your failure.

Don’t make your Fear your failure.

Each one of us has a deep inside pain. Pain due to faults of others. If you decide to punish others for your pain then mind it, it will only increase your sufferings. Because if you live in your pain for more than standard time, it will only a loss for you and not the one who gave you the pain.

Conclusion:
Respect your pain but don’t live in it for too long, otherwise it will be a loss that only you are going to suffer and not the one who gave you that pain. Your pain is yours, deal with it, don’t live with it.

Start a communication with your spouse.

Start a communication with your spouse.

Two ways you can communicate with your spouse without actually being involved in the conversation all the time: 

 

1.Start a diary, write down your problems, desires and everything you wanted to share with your spouse but never dared to tell him/her on the face. And invite your spouse to continue the conversation on the diary but don’t ever discuss it on the face. Resolve the issue in the diary itself. Solve all the problems one by one and not at a time.

2.Special Time: Set a special time for conversation between you and your spouse. Talk for half an hour only. Record your conversation. And don’t discuss it outside the special time. Next day listen to last day’s talk and start the conversation from where you left.

In this way you can communicate with your spouse all the intimate topics of your life and emotions you never dared to talk face to face.